


The Three Faces of Alec Lightwood

by projectliteracy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development, Gen, Personal Growth, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:42:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7123561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/projectliteracy/pseuds/projectliteracy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec has always shown different faces/selves to different people. The story of how he grew into unifying them and really being himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Three Faces of Alec Lightwood

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This is my first ever fanfiction so please do give feedback!  
> I wanted to learn how to write creatively so I decided to take part in the shadowhunters ficathon on tumblr and took their first prompt as inspiration to write. Link: http://shadowhuntersficathon.tumblr.com/post/145319805340/prompt-unity-to-kickstart-the-ficathon-here-is  
> Additionally, I’ve always seen the quote below around the internet and thought it was an interesting concept, although I’ve modified the idea a bit. From personal experience, it’s not that healthy to be completely different people so I put poor Alec through that journey as well.  
> “They say you have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.”
> 
> Disclaimers: None of these characters are mine. I am simply borrowing them from Cassandra Clare in order to further my linguistic abilities. (That also means my characterization may be a tad bit off…Sorry)

Alexander Lightwood has always felt like there were multiple faces to him. He was never the same person with everyone. 

He would tell you that he had three faces, one that he showed outsiders- people who didn't know him, people who thought they knew him, people who had overly high expectations of him, people who cared about what he could do for them but not for him. At some point in his childhood, his parents moved into this category. It wasn’t ideal but at least he could still pretend to be their perfect shadowhunter. The second face was shown to those who knew most of him- his siblings, Jace (who, whether he tried to hide certain things, could see through him anyways because of their parabatai bond), and his friends (not that he had many outside of his siblings). The third face, the most complicated, private one, was the one that was really Alec. It was who he was to himself. 

Alec was rather comfortable with his first two faces and became a master in switching between the two when the occasion called for it. To the adults, he was always mature for his age, showing them only what they wanted to see. At the same time, he was more relaxed with his loved ones that he trusted, allowing himself to act his age and even make mistakes without fear of judgement. So despite occasional slip-ups, it was easy for Alec to switch between the perfect soldier and the protective older brother in the shadows. Yet, he would always seek to serve others, but never himself. In fact, you could say Alec almost never did things for selfish reasons. He couldn't- doing so would mean acknowledging the existence of his third face. He wouldn’t-there was no way he was ever going to admit, even to himself, that sometimes all the training was too much, that being strong all the time meant that he had to lock up his emotions, that he wished his parents were more like actual caring parents, that he was as talented and important as his siblings, that he wasn't... straight. It wasn't that he loathed himself, no, it was that he wouldn’t admit that it WAS himself. It only got worse when he realised he was in love with Jace. The three sides of himself, already so fractured, became even more uniquely distinct, each almost a different person altogether. 

It would take a miracle or a great feat of magic to make the three faces of Alec unified again. And magic it was- in the form of a man with magic, to be exact, a warlock. To be quite clear, Magnus wasn't the solution but instead the trigger. To Alec; when Magnus told him nothing was wrong with loving Jace, when he flirted, when he noticed him instead of his siblings, when he so readily trusted him despite their differences, it proved that he was worth love, respect and kindness. And so, Alec found himself to be more accepting of his true face. The three faces started to gel together once again.

However, self-love was not an easy journey. Alec, constantly second-guessing himself, was scared to face the ramifications of being true to himself so he panicked and instead formed a game plan to fix everything going wrong, a panacea of sorts. He proposed to Lydia because she was bright, strong, and kind and would give him time to settle. It was a working arrangement and one of the best options to maintain the precarious balance that Alec had with his life and his faces. Nonetheless, what had been started could not be stopped and his three faces continued to blur together without him actually realising. 

The turning point was the wedding, where he finally admitted to himself that he was scared, and that others were scared that he was making a mistake that he would have to live with for the rest of his life. Most of all, that he had the opportunity to actually explore who he was as a person for the first time in his life- Magnus was leaving it entirely up to him. Making the hardest decision he had ever made, Alexander Lightwood became a man in himself when he bravely decided to be true to himself, all consequences be damned. It was a brilliant kiss and the start of what would be an interesting relationship, but in that moment, it was about Alec freeing himself from the chains holding himself back.

For the first time, he let himself simply be. 

It would obviously take some time and support from loved ones to properly figure out who he was to become, but that was a journey all adults have to make so Alec was content, happy and proud, not only of his growth, but of himself. Alec’s three faces unified into one. He could unapologetically live his life and finally, finally be himself.


End file.
